Tuesday, July 30, 2013, 09:33 PM
FROM ARMADILLO: Alright my babies...I was NOT in Sweden with our boys in pink and black. But the road report must go on, and the following report arrived in the proverbial electronic plain brown envelope for your reading enjoyment. Here you go!


Since the ‘Dillo has, over the years, done so much to help the TS support team out (a lot of it grunt work that he was never asked to perform) it seemed only right that we on the staff return the favor. So here you are Terry (and by extension all his babies), the Not Armadillo official TS blog Road Report for the final TS show of the summer of 2013, Skogsjet* Festival in Sweden.

*-No one, and I mean NO one (more on that later) seems to know how to pronounce the name of this little shindig, so you are hereby warned to look for the variations—and feel free to vote for your favorites.

OK, let’s see…how does he usually do these things? Le Dillo usually throws up the set list first and then let’s everybody hang for a few days for anything resembling usable information. So off the top of my still jet lagged head, here’s what I think the boys played Saturday night (will probably need correcting):

1-You Can’t Stop R+R
2-Shoot ‘em Down
3-Stay Hungry
4-The Beast
5-The Kids Are Back
6-We’re Not Gonna Take It
7-I Believe in R+R
8-The Fire Still Burns
9-The Price
10-We’re Gonna Make It
11-Under The Blade
11-Burn in Hell (Full Drum Solo)
12-I Wanna Rock
Come Out And Play

I may have the order totally wrong, but I think the songs are right.

OK, now what does he usually do next (after making us wait forever, that is)?

Right, he acts out the delusion that he’s the Armadillo Faulkner, and describes the locale like some sort of dirtbag travelogue. And by describe, I mean describe in minute detail; pushing back the fun stuff by paragraphs and often full chapters.

[Note: The original idea here was to show Terry how he SHOULD do these things, as in “cut to the chase." But upon mentioning to some TS peeps that this fill-in was planned, there emerged a consensus that the column should be used to demonstrate to Armadillo just how annoying his ancillary prose can be. Apologies in advance for you, the readers, having to wade through the next section. But know that it’s length and absurdity is purposed to help us ALL in the future. So without further ado, here now the faux road report, in the style to which we have become accustomed, meaning with further ado.]

Friday Morning, 7/27/13. After a 2 ½ hour van ride from Stockholm airport, through the scenic, idyllic, and occasionally Ferrari-strewn Swedish countryside, band and crew arrive safely in Kopping, a heretofore unknown little hollow in the southeast of the nation, which turns out to be a truly lovely and welcoming mini-metropolis; replete with electric trolleys and shopping within walking distance of the hotel. Both hotels, actually. The one we were booked into, and the one we actually stayed in since it had air-conditioning. (Apparently global warming has caught this part of Scandinavia unprepared).

But I digress—deliberately (see above) and not for the last time. See how much fun it is Terry?

Notice while I said ‘the band and crew arrived" I mentioned nothing about any luggage or gear. That’s because DELTA apparently stands for Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive. Not a single bag, backpack, guitar case or duffel has managed to make it out of the cargo bay to accompany us. My kingdom for a guitar pick!!

Have I digressed recently? No? We’ll then, let me get to it.

Kopping is not just the picturesque hamlet of several paragraphs ago. Based on our on-stage experience of Saturday, it appears to be a favorite summer vacation destination for many of Northern Europe’s moths. They were everywhere; in infinite varieties, colors and sizes, drawn by the lights of the stage and one assumes the moth brothels (mothrels?) doubtless within flitting distance. Now, this is the spot in the Report where I was gonna absolutely punish you all with a three page treatise on Lepidopterism. It was gonna be epic payback. You get it Terry? Epic? But it turns out I have actual work to do and cannot devote the research hours required to getting the dissertation right. And I refuse to mail in satire. So take a deep breath and we shall continue post-commutation. [Are you following all these references and tortured syntax? If so, see a doctor immediately].

Oh, one more thing on the moths…Spoiler alert-one memorable show moment was AJ catching a moth twixt drumsticks, a la Mr. Miagii. But I’m getting ahead of myself (he wrote with full self-awareness, not to mention unfettered contempt for his target audience of one).

I wonder what fettered contempt is.

Yet even more on Kopping. It also serves as the principal city for the region that the Skankjet Fest resides in. And fun fact—said region apparently is the glass blowing capital of all Sweden.

While I would love to just leave that little nugget out there as an Armadillo-esque annoyance, there actually is some entertainment value here. Among the gifts the grateful promoter presented to the band Saturday was a 14” clear glass wine decanter, in the shape of a cock-and-balls. I’m not making this up. Curved, thick, circumcised (I guess they’re not worried about the Nazis coming back any time soon) and millennium-appropriate in its lack of pubic hair, said phallus came with the festival name (Sploogejet) inscribed right on it. Truly a conversation piece; although apparently no band member wished to have that particular conversation take place in their own house.

So the gift was offered to me. And a tempting offer it was; but upon reflection I realized my apartment already houses a substantial collection of phalli, both glass-blown and otherwise, and this addition would be merely overkill.

And there was a further complication, in that this particular object d’art seemed ill suited to withstand the rigors of Delta’s renowned baggage handlers (see above). So a command decision was made. I would just leave the thing in the room next to the maid’s tip. Problem solved.

Or not; for on Sunday morning prior to checkout, the realization hit that perhaps this little bit of largesse might not be received in the spirit in which it was given. It might even get me into hot Swedish water if there existed a particularly unfortunately worded anti-sexual harassment statute in the land of Abba. [Speaking of Abba, Kopping is absolutely swimming in billboards for the Abba Museum, conveniently located in…Stockholm! Go figure.]

Anyhoo, back to our story. So Sunday morning a warning is passed (as euphemistically phrased as possible) to the front desk of the hotel. Oh, Oh. The hotel. Oh. I almost forgot. It turns out the hotel is owned and run by a woman who was an exchange student for a full year in the home of Eddie Ojeda’s first cousin. And they still correspond. Small world, wouldn’t wanna clean it.

Whaddaryoutalkinaboutanyway you A.D.D.-riddled sadist?!?!?!? What does this have to do with the road report???

Oh right, the road report. Sorry. So anyway, back to the glass cock-and-balls.

So we tell the desk vaguely what’s in store for the lucky chambermaid, and their response is…”Can we have it? We’ll put it on display in the lobby! Oh, and could you please have the band autograph it?”

Ummm…okay, I guess.

So Arma’s babies, if you’re ever in Kopping, Sweden, keep your eyes peeled for what is doubtless the most unique TS artifact in the world! No lie.

Okay, so let’s see, got in Friday, no luggage, etc. etc. etc., picturesque, moths, glass johnson autographed before leaving Sunday, Eddie’s cousin yada yada yada…

Yup, that about wraps it up for this edition of the road report. See you down the road.

I now return you to Armadillo. I hope you found reading this diatribe as tiresome as I did writing it.


Well, there you go, my babies! Don't blame me....blame high airline rates! Perhaps our anonymous writer will feel generous enough to tell us if the boys ever got their instruments and how the show actually was! wow. Am I really THAT bad? This is Armadillo, wishing you a safe holiday until we all return on the road once more!
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Bogans come in different varieties. Once upon a time their hair favoured the mullet and mohawks. The younger ones are more prone to standardisation: torn jeans and sloppy sweaters, or flanny shirts, or a wife beater singlet, and long hair au naturel or, of late, rat tails. Unusually, bogans can be of any age: I have seen people in their sixties who fitted that profile.
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Most people will agree that leather jewelry is great. Whether it's a wristband or an ankle bracelet it has a touch of style. Even though it's often a small detail it's always very noticeable on anyone who wears it. Short skirts, shorts, bikini, anything fits to be worn with leather jewelry.
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Like humans, they share in the nurturing, feeding, and parenting of their children. It is remarkable how Penguins demonstrate that birthing, protecting, and raising a child is a shared responsibility of both the mother and the father. You can count on them to work together to build a confortable nest for their children..
If you budget is flexible, specialists like Bay Bloor Radio can work out audio and home theatre requirements and, if you lucky enough to be starting from scratch, the world is your aural oyster. BBR also retails top grade wireless systems, and, positioned as they are at the forefront of their industry, they always a step ahead of the pack. Continually improving hard wired systems, BBR offers a service that makes cable installation a breeze using product that fits out of sight behind plasterwork, speakers that blend perfectly into walls or ceilings (rather than on them) and a unique after sales service to help with ongoing maintenance..
Now that you are ready to meet your date, you are no longer communicating by emails or text messages, so you are anticipating in making a great first impression and that is done largely by your body language movements. To start, you want to make sure that you are in full control of your body movements when you are meeting each other for the first time in person. Here are some all important first date body gesture ideas to keep in mind:.
In 1970 he went to the US and visited New York, where by chance, he met Diana Vreeland, editor in chief of the American Vogue at that time. After showing his portfolios and set designs to her, Vreeland told him that he should, "go make shoes." He learned a bit more about the technicalities of, as well as the art of shoe making. By 1971 he was already creating his own shoes..
But I felt like my idea for this business was powerful and realistic enough to work into a business. So I invested in my idea, and it paid off. Surround yourself with people who know how to invest, and who have done it successfully.

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To wear a pair of clean and beautiful shoes is also a good social manner. Once you try to maintain your shoes, you will find it much easier and full of fun. Obviously all of the shoes are made of real leather of high quality or some other high grade materials, their life spans are long, but with proper maintenance, their life spans will be longer..
As a result of his research Dr. Alan Hirsch says that we feel full because of a special mechanism in our brain. Specifically, this satiety response is regulated by what is technically known as the ventro medial nucleus of the hypothalamus, a portion of the brain that regulates many basic drives including emotions and libido..
5. Be kind to the interior of your purses. If you carry make up in your purse, put it in in a Ziploc or a make up bag.
FOR STARTERS, to make something more "vivid", just to use that word, they must use well placed adjectives. Now, that in itself ought to be enough to understand, but when they use voluptuous, colorful, and passionate adjectives, they'll make their point more succinctly, if you see what I mean. And adjectives can be overdone (like steak) and then they'll be tough to swallow (argh).
Saks s lineup includes patent leather and velvet jeweled oxfords from Dolce Gabbana for $1,195. Barneys features distressed laceless Marsell versions at $665. Christian Louboutin, renowned for platform stilettos, created a $1,495 python pointed toe Derby flat, with his signature red sole.

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Even with the economy in a funk and many Americans pulling back on spending, the rich are again buying designer clothing, luxury cars and about anything that catches their fancy. Luxury goods stores, which fared much worse than other retailers in the recession, are more than recovering they are zooming. Many high end businesses are even able to mark up, rather than discount, items to attract customers who equate quality with price..
When it comes to colors this season, the palette is virtually limitless. Pale yellows, peaches, and greens are in as are the bright fuchsias, turquoises, and reds. Prints are even making an appearance, although are generally limited to eye catching white polka dots against a black background, accented with a bright red taffeta sash..
When we meet and fall in love with someone, we often don't think about what might seem like minor differences, which can later turn into major conflicts. One of these differences that frequently occurs with my clients is neatness vs. Messiness."I'm a naturally neat person and my husband, Derek, is very messy.
And Canada in Travel + Leisure "World's Best Awards," the AAA Five Diamond and Forbes Travel Guide Four Star Award winning resort is highlighted by a flagship 85,000 square foot Barneys New York. Grand Canal Shoppes at The Venetian and The Palazzo featuresmore than 160 luxury boutiques, specialty brands and world class restaurants nestled around a charming and faithful reproduction of Venice's Grand Canal, complete with cobbled walkways, street side cafes and live entertainment. Other unique offerings include PANDA!, an unprecedented theatrical spectacle; the chic dining and nightlife hotspot, LAVO; the world's largest Canyon Ranch SpaClub; the ultimate sports bar, sportsbook and restaurant on the Strip, Lagasse's Stadium; and Prestige at The Palazzo an exclusive space designed to offer the sophisticated traveler an elevated level of services and amenities.
Glad to see someone responding to this, I been tempted. In particular I take the making people smaller argument as opening up a potential objection to utilitarianism I been tempted to write up a couple of times I calling it the problem of teeming tiny utility monsters. In effect we might argue that we ought to get rid of larger less efficient animals such as humans and support many more smaller animals on the same resources, given what I take to be the fairly plausible assumption that roughly an elephant and a mouse can generate the same utility.

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Happily, Toronto is ground zero for high end shopping. The Mink Mile, that rarefied strip of surreal estate bordering Bloor and Yorkville, is home to big ticket names from Prada to Escada. Everywhere you look, there is Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Herms, Calvin Klein, Max Mara, Burberry, Gucci, Lacoste, Michael Kors and Milly..
These leather booties are the ultimate fashion statement for Fall. They are classic Louboutin, with an artsy twist. These ankle boots feature a 4 inch heel, a peep toe, and a beautiful leather lining.
Nordstrom has a broader array of goods, but an estimated one third of its most expensive lines are also stocked at Saks and perhaps as much as half of its brands overlap with those at Hudson's Bay, catering to customers who are looking for more affordable luxury. Mr. Nordstrom, the great grandson of the chain's founder, acknowledged that there be will some overlap but said "we don't get too consumed with any competitors.
New Delhi: One of the biggest names in Indian fashion feels commercial viability is diluting the creativity of designers. Sabyasachi Mukherjee also says it is of prime importance that they focus on the countrys rich textiles and techniques."Designers should try to avoid going overboard, whether they are making a couture collection or pret. Indian designers needs to say no to commerce if they want to sustain creativity," Sabyasachi told reporters in an interview."If the designs are driven by commercial viability then they are bound to be lost in oblivion.
I disagree. To me, the Cincinnati Fringe is about reveling in the many ways theater can work. And this show works..

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It's a relatively unknown profession authenticating designer clothing, shoes and handbags but one that Deyle has become an accidental star in. "There are dozens of businesses online that do nothing but provide authentication for items sold on eBay," she says. "And it's profitable." If you buy something in an auction and you find out after the fact that it's a fake, it's up to you as the buyer to hire one of these companies to evaluate the item and write an official report to be submitted to eBay's fraud department..
People here feel very confident. I think that because the city fell as fast as it did and they seized control of it as quickly as they did. They now have what they call their first taste of freedom and they are not willing to give it up without a fight.
But leaving the haters aside, leopard has become more mainstream over the past few years. I say this in part as justification for my own fashion faux pas: it's not as if I went out and bought three leopard items at the same time, and then wore them all at once. The Betty jacket I have had for five years, the Mulberry bag is last season's Alexa; only the shoes are a this summer purchase.
For those who are new to it, walking in stilettos is a whole new ball game. But once you've cracked walking tall, those extra 6 inches make the world a far different place. Such is the power of the stiletto that it tightens the leg muscles, giving you a sexy walk, and makes legs and ankles appear slimmer.
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