There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo Toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.Well, Mary is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.At the end of the line stood Mary surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.She had a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.The 2 men watched in amazement as she cut a little piece of fabric, wrapped it around two marbles and began to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.The Personnel Manager burst into laughter.After several minutes of hysterics he pulled himself together and approached Mary ."I'm sorry," he said to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...""Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch." So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos."